Nobody said it was easy.
January 30th, 2010 by sixpegs
I feel really awful now.
I feel so, so helpless.
Everything doesn’t look good.
I really want to make everything good.
I promised myself that I will work hard.
And I thought I have reached a fair and reasonable compromise with my younger brother.
But I am really disappointed in him.
I really am very, very disappointed.
And if I am already so upset, I cannot imagine how hard it will be for my parents -
how much more tears they have cried and pain they have felt whenever my brother disappoints us.
Sometimes when I want to make it work, I am utterly afraid.
Because I am really very tired and jaded.
I don’t want him to waste all the time and effort that he has put in for the last few years.
But I really don’t understand how should I do it.
And I don’t know what else to do.
I don’t understand him, as much as he doesn’t understand us.
We are really not asking for much.
Respect. Determination. Honesty. And the ability to differentiate right and wrong.
I believe if he wants to do it, he will definitely be able to do it.
In fact for someone as street-smart as him, he can achieve a lot more than what he has now.
All, if he would muster the courage and determination to make a change and put his heart into it.
Dad is not well too.
I went to a friend’s father’s wake last week.
And I felt really sorry for his loss.
We read about deaths and accidents on the newspaper everyday, but until it happens to us,
we’ll never be able to understand the grieve I guess.
Sometimes, I’d imagine what life would be like if my parents are not around anymore.
Just the mere imagination of losing them can leave me teary-eyed.
People always take too long to realize the importance of family.
Friends and lovers come and go, but it’s the family who will stick to you through thick and thin.
They are the ones who would do anything to make sure you are not hungry.
And they are the ones who truly hope that you will do well in life,
and have your own happy family in future as well.
“Blood is thicker than water”, they don’t say this for nothing.
I am not a good writer, sometimes I even have problems trying to express what I want to say.
But all I want to say is, it will never be too late to realize the importance of family.
And it is also never too late to realize our mistakes & to return to the right path.
It is okay to fall down and make mistakes.
The true test is whether you can pick yourself up to try harder.
Philson, if you are reading this, please bear what I told you in mind.
I may not be your best friend and I might not be the person who understands you best.
But I am your sister since 16 years ago and I will always be your sister until we leave this world.
We are all trying to encourage you and we all want the best for you.
Our parents are not the most eloquent people around, they don’t know how to tell you how they feel.
But they are always expressing their love in the most subtle ways -
like making sure you won’t go hungry, making sure you have enough rest before school,
waking you up at 7am every morning when they can actually sleep until noon,
giving you their trust and keep wanting to give you another chance,
keeping each and every birthday card or Mothers’ Day card from you deep in their bedside drawers.
Please do not say that you are not fit to be in this family.
If you are not fit, then no one also will be fit enough to take your place.
Because there is only one Philson and nobody can replace you in our hearts.
We have all tried and did our part to try to help you and encourage you.
But all these effort will go down the drain if you don’t want to make things happen.
Because ultimately, this life is yours.
And where this life will take you to in future, is all dependent on what you do now.
All these may sound far-fetched and distant to you now, but you will soon understand in time.
But you are a smart person & I am certain you will know what you should do now.
It really breaks my heart when you lie to me,
because I want to be the person you can talk to if you have problems.
I want to give you my trust, but you need to earn my trust through your actions.
Don’t bear grudges against your teachers in school or our parents when they scold you.
Like you, we are humans too. We get angry too.
And it is very upsetting and frustrating when you always let us down time after time.
And even more depressing when you choose not to give us your respect.
Like what I said, the best way to take revenge is to do well in school,
and show your teachers, and everyone else, that they were all wrong about you.
Everyone has problems.
And they won’t be called problems if they can be resolved easily.
I didn’t do well in school as well.
And I don’t want you to be on the same path as me because
it really is very lonely if you are still in school after your friends have graduated.
People might laugh at you, look down on you or make fun of you,
but don’t get mad.
Just make sure you do better than those people in life next time.
Then, they will laugh at themselves and look down on themselves the next time they see you again.
Let this be your final lap.
Finish it fast, finish it good.
Whenever you feel like giving up, or feel tired, look at this letter again to encourage
- 29 Comments »
- Posted in Reflections
January 30th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
when i read this entry, i felt like you were expressing my thoughts for my brother. my brother, too, is facing difficulties in school. he refuses to attend lessons despite promising my mum and me that he would. i even helped him to transfer to another school when he insisted on being with his friends, but he didn’t keep his promise of studying hard. we are all disappointed and sad… but never angry. because we know that he is still a good boy despite all that he does, be it smoking or getting tattoos. it is just that he doesn’t understand how important education is for his future… i dunno what to do anymore :(
i guess we just have to continue playing the big sister role and support our brothers in whatever way we can…
January 30th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
i may not noe what exactly happened….but….some lessons have to be learnt through experience….but some lessons learnt through experience can be quite ‘costly’ in a way…..i believe everything will be fine….every dark cloud has a silver lining…..cheer up peggy!!
xxsh@nxx
January 30th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
very touched.. i almost cried while reading this entry.
i used to be like your brother and was the most problematic child (im the younger in the family btw). now that i’m a grown-up, i truly understand how my parents and elder sis felt back then and am really very sorry for all the hurt i’ve caused them whenever we quarreled.
don’t worry, i guess he’s going through puberty and all now.. everything will be well soon.
wish you and your family best of health :)
January 30th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Peggy and Philson.. jiayou! :)
January 30th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I totally agreed with wad U haven written in ur entry..
It’s like exactly my thoughts..
I also always take my family for granted,
and felt really bad about it..
But I will try to control my temper and my attitude because I know the importance of family..
I don’t hope to have regrets for not cherishing them enough etc..
I think U are right, people always take too long to realize the importance of family.
Because people tends to take the ppl closest to them for granted,
beacause they keep thinking they will be forgiven on whatever things they have done,
but they often never think that if one day they might not have a chance to apologise for
what they have done. Then, they start to regret but it’s all too late..
I believe your brother will understand how U & ur parents truely care for him..
Human makes mistakes, juz admit & amend it before it’s too late..
Just don’t repeat them in the future. Because not all ppl will have a chance to admit and change for the better,
so do it while U have the chance..
And yes, tml will be a brand new day!! So cheer up babe!!
I’m sure ur brother will understand and things will be better!!
Take care.. ^^
January 30th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
so true of what you said. i love my brother. and sometimes things that he does is very sad. and when anger gets to us. everyone use the wrong words. but deep down, we know we love each other. work hard both philson and peggy. we all deserve a second chance. our family will always stand by us …
January 31st, 2010 at 12:02 am
Images flashed across my mind as i read this post and i cant help feeling emotional. my older sister used to say the extact same thing to me…
I still rem myself crying and kneeling down to beg my mom to get me out from school because “i can’t stand it anymore”. I was depressed and suicidal. She says that as long as it makes me happy, i will stop school. I was only 14. At that age, i took the wrong path, befriends with people you cannot imagine, did stupid things which i regreted till now..
I am now 28 and i am proud to say that i have achieved a lot as a person. I completed my degree and am now working fine. ALL because of my family who has been standing by me…helping me to get up during my lowest point of my life. I am forever grateful to them because they never reprimanded or gave up on me.
It’s an obstacle in life and you just have to get over it. I hope your brother do. Give him all the support, stand by him. He will know and understand when the time come. I’d say Love is the best cure.
I wish you and Philson all the very best.. : )
January 31st, 2010 at 12:39 am
thanks kay. i know how we’re often very blinded by temporary fun when we were younger.
it’s not easy for young people to know what is the “right thing to do” also.
friends seem to be so important to them.
oh well, i hope he will understand too.
i am honestly quite tired.
January 31st, 2010 at 1:05 am
wah. u so daring to write about your own brother. you not scare he see it and feel that y my sister talk about his problems to everyone and what if his friends see it? where he will put his “face”.
January 31st, 2010 at 1:14 am
I am sure he doesn’t mind people knowing his problems because to him, his problems are his pride.
January 31st, 2010 at 1:25 am
Peggy,I’m touched this post that u wrote especially your brother and your friend. I would like to share with u what my laoshi shared with me last week.
Nothing is a problem unless we allow it to be so. If a person don’t have big thing in their life,small things become big.Can plan.
Believeing in yourself and choosing the path that gives you the absolute faith in pursuing your ultimate goals in life. Treasuring what you have before they are gone forever. Telling them how much you love them or you can never have suach a chance again.
I wish you and Philson all the very best. wish you and your family best of health.
Do remember in postivie mind! You guys can do it! Jiayou!!!
January 31st, 2010 at 3:05 am
no one said it would be easy, but try and try harder even after you fail!
fail harder and you will make a pass eventually! jiayou!
January 31st, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Hi pegs
i’ve been thru exactly the same thing mentioned in yr entry. no matter how hard we’ve tried to encourage my bro, it didnt worked. Needless to say, he didnt complete his O Level and he’s in the army now. every now and then, he has always regretted about it. 2 big prob with my bro;very concern abt his pride and loves to lie. its really heartbreaking when he lied as u thought u were his best friend. assure yr bro that he’s definitely gona regret this if he doesnt take yr advice. have to be very practical with him;no cert=no job=no income=DIRE FUTURE. friends may come and go,but family is always there for him.
Press on pegs!
January 31st, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I understand how you feels
The same thing happened to my brother and he has been lying to the family.
Skipping sch, smoking and hanging out till late with friends eventho theres sch the next day.
Sometimes it feels really sad and helpless because you’ve done everything you can.
Luckily its been a little better nowadays.
Maybe we can just give them some time and hope for the best.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:33 pm
Hi sweetie, your post touched me. I’m going through a rough patch w my younger brother and my family as well.
He has just gotten his O level results and he screwed it so badly that he broke everybody’s heart.
Many a times, I wanted to give up and just let him be. All the words, encouragements and scoldings have seemed to be falling on deaf ears. He’ll tell me things like he don’t trust mummy and daddy anymore, and how much unhappiness he felt in the family. It really breaks my heart when I hear such heartbreaking words coming out of his mouth. For all my life, I am trying my best to help and protect him, yet whatever I did wasn’t good enough.
I feel you, and I totally understand what you are going through. It’s tough being the elder sister, hugs (:
January 31st, 2010 at 4:40 pm
hey peggy
i have been through what you did before. my brother was a disappointment to my family, in terms of attitude and academics. however, my parents always took the soft approach, which made me the ‘bad guy’ in the family as i would be the one who would flare up at my brother when he screws up. needless to say, it resulted in a very frosty relationship throughout our adolescence.
my brother had to pay for it in the end. he did so badly in school, he couldn’t even get in the polys. now, he realized how important education is when he has to apply for schools and jobs. although i am sad that he has to learn it the hard way, i am glad he has finally changed for the better.
as a sister, it hurts us to see a loved one going through a bad phase in life, especially if that phase seems like it would never end and he’ll never get out of it. however, show them love and support. they will be able to see it and when the right moment comes, they will change for the better. we would just have to wait and hope for the best.
January 31st, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Peg’s brother..
Your family members are the only ones who will be there when the world crumbles down, who will lift you up and be there when everything else fails. We choose our friends and lovers, but God chose our parents and family. And He definitely chose people whom He thinks are suitable to teach you the good lessons in life. If your sis didnt bother, she wouldnt have blogged about this. As a reader, I can feel every sense of emotion she put into writing the above for you. I believe in what Peg has written and I think if she thinks you can do well, you definitely can. Show it to her, and most importantly to yourself :)
February 1st, 2010 at 10:32 am
Nobody said it was difficult too.
I have faith in you and your brother to graduate in a few months time. =)
February 1st, 2010 at 10:11 pm
i have problems with my younger sis too. she’s 14 yrs old. 8 years younger than me. super rebellious and sometimes my mom just shed too much tears for her. she skips sch and uses vulgarities on my parents. she’s outa hand. i wonder what i can do to help. i hope everything will go well with you. take care ((: i saw u 2dae at holland v with buttons! haha.
February 1st, 2010 at 10:38 pm
To: Philson (If you do read this)
Hi Philson, if you are reading this, it shows that you do care about what your sister feels about you. Perhaps I may assume that you are doing your O Levels this year? I would like to share with you a very personal story. I hope you will feel fortunate and lucky for being in your family after reading this.
When I was about to do my O Levels about a few years back, I faced one of the greatest difficulties of my life. I was from a neighbourhood secondary school and I did fairly well to enter a triple science class. Even though I had to appeal to get in, I was extremely pleased with myself for getting into one of the best class of the level (this was just to please my mom). But the problems were that I had so much difficulty catching up with the syllabus as compared to my peers. While everyone was getting their As and Bs, I was only getting mere passes and Cs. It was an extremely humiliating experience throughout the 2 years of preparation for my O Levels since there was immense pressure to perform well academically and yet I was the only one flunking every single subject. Not only was I upset with myself for not getting things right, I was also upset with my family for the amount of support that they had given me.
You see, I didnt grow up in a happy family. Unlike yourself, I have never received words of encouragement from my family. I consider you to be a very lucky boy.
My point is, you may not see the importance of getting your studies on track or graduating with decent grades. It may not be your priorities right at this point in time cos you are still young, and slightly immature. But your family, especially your sister has gone through so much, surely you can give her the slightest respect and pay more attention to what she’s telling you? At the end of the day, blood is indeed thicker than water. Humans are just wired this way to feel more for people that we are related to by blood. Your family wouldnt lie to you the way they feel about you, and thats how they may end up being brutally honest. You may not realise, but your family will definately be far more forgiving then anyone else you know out there, be it your best friends or your girlfriend. If you take a wrong step in life, your family is the only one that will not judge you based on your doings or character and will continue to love you irregardless.
Take some time and think through all the events in your life, then maybe judge for yourself. I’m sure your family is way better than mine. It is never too late to change. Take small steps and you will get there eventually.
All the best!
February 2nd, 2010 at 11:41 am
family is the most important! friends will come and go!
pegs! don’t give up on him, no matter how tired you may be already! cannot give up on him! don’t give in to tiredness! don’t!
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:26 pm
hey pegpeg, omg u got me all emotional and all too:(
i know how u feel.. tell u my story someother time:(
me and my bro are not that close too…
and sigh yes everyone has problem.
i think maybe one way to think about it is he’s still young..
just remmeber how we were when we were teens..
we were as defiant too..
so forgive and forget!:D
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:26 am
Dear Philson, please work as hard as your sister to give her the strength to carry on. Do good – for your own life. Afterall you only get to live once. And you only get one shot at it. Good luck for everything you do. :)
February 5th, 2010 at 12:08 am
Hi Peg,
Just popped in and read ur post.
Ur post touches me as well.
I guess this is what life is.
Yes, family is very important though we seldom know how to show concern for each other, we love and value each and every family member deeply in us.
Friends come and go, relationship gets very fragile nowadays.
In difficult times only family is there for you.
The love and warmth family gives can never be replaced.
And yes, every one has his own problems from studies, work, relationship, family, etc.
Do stay strong.
Love,
E.L
PS:
Hi Philson,
You may find your sis naggy, or get mad at her when you see this post.
But the Pegs whom I used to know seldom share what’s deeply in her mind.
She really do care and love you.
Do take care of her too.
=)
February 5th, 2010 at 12:45 am
thanks eileen. :) hope you’re all doing fine too.
February 10th, 2010 at 12:32 am
You’ve said what I have been trying to tell to my brother all these while. I know how you feel and I’m experiencing the same thing as you too for the past 2-3years. And sometimes I really don’t know what to do either. Let’s stay strong together Peggy! :)
Ps: Im an avid blog reader of yours ;)
February 10th, 2010 at 12:38 am
thanks a lot for your encouragement kaili.
i think i’m at the don’t-know-what-else-to-do stage too.
let’s just hope the boys grow up fast, soon.
February 24th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Jia You!!!
I love this entry, i thought that it is very well written especially about family.
I used to take my family for granted when i was younger.. but now, i see the importance of family and i’m sure your brother will be able to see that soon.
Anyways, your entry touches me too!
No matter what, don’t give up and no will look down on you!
:) Hugs girl
February 24th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
thanks so much dear huirong. :)